it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
