I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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