Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
