In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
