i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
