24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
should my penis look like a turkey
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
