I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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