Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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