i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
