I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
