So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
