I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
