I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
