There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
