I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
