FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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