I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
