The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
