i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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