Porn is love you can see.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
