I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
