With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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