I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
