haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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