The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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