yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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