walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
