my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
