You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
