I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I love having hate sex.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
