can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
