I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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