So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
