At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
