they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He felt like a one man threesome
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
