Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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