i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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