The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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