Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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