I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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