Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
