dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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