OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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