But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
