Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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