I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
