I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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