Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
