babies were throwing up all over the place
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
