How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
