I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
