so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
